Collision, Social Media & Teachings

There were two unexpected surprises from social media that captured my consciousness this week, and it seems I am not the only one: the collision of two amazingly dense stars and a swelling of solidarity of women bravely saying #metoo. Interestingly, both of these topics aligned with the theme at the novitiate this week on Catholic Social Teachings. Just by writing those three words you probably had a flash of one or two controversial topics flash in your brain, and if you're like me, your stomach tightens at the thought of the conflict that often arises or dense air that suddenly enters the room when these are brought up. But wait! There is neat, non-controversial and very loving, cool stuff I learned. 

First learning for this week was about Catholic Relief Services, a big charitable organization. They spent almost a billion dollars last year in emergency relief,  health, and agriculture with an efficiency of 94% of funding going to programs. That means very low administrative and fundraising expenses compared to the less effocient 75% for March of Dimes or 50% for the American Breast Cancer Association

(Charity Navigator) They respond in crises like the hurricanes and Rwanda crisis. Turns out - they also do advocacy and awareness. 

Catholic Family Relief services put together a new website and 3 min videos based on the US Conference of Catholic Bishops documents. The videos are easy to digest, small, and surprisingly watchable. Notably missing is that cheese factor you come to expect from Christian movies (i.e. anything Kirk Cameron produced, though the corny factor has lessened in newer movies) as the videos are really well-filmed, with cameos from Fr Jim Martin, and you get to see Br Mickey O'Neill McGrath make art during the clips. https://www.crs.org/resource-center/CST-101

To my more liberal-leaning friends (who are quick to post every Bernie article): you might be surprised to see how much you have in common with these 7 themes such as options for the poor and rights of the workers. And to my more conservative friends: catholic social teaching is 6 themes more than the big topic of right to life. Oh and there is so much language about compassion and love, balanced with the suggestions for action that my analytical side was begging for. 

Okay - A lot of preamble to get to this point, but I was kept up until 2am on Tuesday night when I saw that FERMI, the lil ole satellite I got to work on, had helped measure and confirm gravitational waves, for the first time from two nuetron stars!! I got to join in (along with the 5,000 others involved with production of the satellite) to be a part of scientific history! These two neturon stars who were each in the process of dying, were very, very dense. So dense that it would be like compressing our sun into an object the size of Chicago. What!?! There are two of them! 

They had been circling each other for 11 billion years, and 130 million years they finally collided. They are so very far away, that it took that long (130 million years) for the photons (and gamma rays) to reach us! Wow! LIGO, a detector on earth, and FERMI, a satellite in space alerted their scientists of the event where they could triangulate the event to a portion of space, so astronomers took to the sky and started searching. They found the object! Sadly, to a layperson it doesn't look all that exciting, but scientists were near ecstacy. 

(Science News)

Why though? Why did the scientists care? Well in addition to confirming more about gravitational waves (great video here) that Einstein proposed back in 1916 (yes 100 years ago!!), they confirmed suspicions that heavy element like gold and platinum are formed in the nuclei of these kilanova collisions. So - kiss your gold ring and thank the neutron stars (not just any type of star but specifically a neutron star) that had to crash into another neutron star for you to wear that. 

This is where I start to feel the Catholic Social Teaching on Care for Common Home. Drawing from Laudato Si, Papa Francis' document about care for the earth, our earth - a mere 4.5 billion years old has fossil fuels and ores which we know are non-renewable. When we run out of coal or oil, there's no more. It's gone. But this - do you realize how hard God had to work to provide these different elements for us? No wonder that churches are lined with gold or that the Isrealites made a golden calf to worship! Gold comes from the death of so many stars over billions of years. Everything we see and touch on this earth is part of a majestic unfolding love God has for us. In Genesis in both creation stories, we are called to be stewards of the earth and care for it. Party lines and personal views aside, the same science that predicted the second when the eclipse would occur a month ago, the same science that confirmed Einsteins's theories 100 years ago - that same science is telling us our future is short and grim unless we do something. Flat earthers, climate change deniers, and Phoebe on Friends who tells Ross she doesn't believe in gravity (clip here), take a second look. We can change the future, but only if we are aware of what's happening around us. 

A second big event this week (and probably more visible for most people) was the #metoo event . For those of you less techie, hashtags (#) are used almost like a hyperlink. If you search for a specific hashtag, you get responses from people all over the world who are all writing about that topic. #throwbackthursday is an example where people post old photos of themselves (on Thursday). #metoo is a movement for women who have experienced sexual harassment and assault to let others know - no details needed, just a show of solidarity that the domination and power-craved behavior of too many men has affected women everywhere. The power of #metoo is it is inclusive of the different levels of struggle - from terrible violent assaults to the barrage of daily violations of personal and emotional space. 

I had no intention of participating, despite knowing so many of my friends who have been subject to the violent events so rarely spoken about. When they started posting and sharing their stories of recovery and bravery, I knew I had to post as well, in solidarity of them, and because I had a ridiculous moment when a man violated my personal and emotional space just last week. What I find ridiculous is that I didn't connect that this was included in #metoo because it was so common place, and in public. I started to identify with the posts from others, that they (and I) seemed to think of the event every day since. 

I must say I was surprised at the outrage people felt for me. Really? You can't say youtoo? I hope that's true but wonder if, like me, you are unaware because of how regularly it happens. Here are some examples: my smaller friends complain about being picked up, physically lifted, by their male friends. They are too small physically to fight and found it easier just to let it happen. Hearing stories from elders who were flashed many times over the years, with a slight laugh because it was so common. I still get whistled at walking down the street, even recently while walking into a church. That is a kind of subjugation - making me feel like an object to be evaluated rather than a human with my own dignity. 

Last summer, at a meeting with many women and only a few men, where I was supposed to feel welcome and safe, while I was eating lunch, a man walked by, grabbed my ponytail and while laughing, moved my head around. With his wife standing right beside him, he said he does this to his grandaughters and calls their ponytails handlebars. Though at the time I thought this was small and not a big deal, uncomfortably laughing it off until he stopped and walked away, later that day when I couldn't stop thinking about how powerless I felt in that moment, I became aware. Really aware. It wasn't small. It wasn't nothing. It was reasonable to be upset. This man - whom I didn't even know his name, felt like he was empowered to enter my space and direct where my head should be, without a warning to me, or any remorse. This was a kind, godly man, as so many of them are, and was completely unaware of how belittling that was: subjegating me to a toy for him as he walked by. And he did this to his granddaughters! Never would I ever consider grabbing his ears as I walk by and turning his head around - that's a fantastic wild notion, so how was this any different? Recognizing that I had a responsibility to his granddaughters and to defend myself, I got the courage and confronted him the next day, apologizing the whole time for the uncomfortable situation (which I am now disappointed in my lack of confidence), but really confronted him. He and his wife apologized and thanked me, totally unaware. I don't know that he's thought of it since, but I have. I don't think about what he did but rather how strong and capable I feel for having told him and maybe changed something. 

Aligned with the Catholic Social Teaching for Solidarity, recognizing that every human is valued and when we stand together we make a difference, I am glad to be a part of something that brings hope. #metoo has been used by guys who are dawning awareness in the magnitude of how many of the women in their lives have joined in. Publicly posting that they are willing to do better, try harder, and teach their sons to be different, the best part of this campaign is the hope and dialogue it has started. Perhaps then, the 'regular, small' harrassment will be seen for what it is - unwanted harrassment and not acceptable. Hopefully, too, on the other side of the spectrum, the men who perform the terrible violent acts can see the outrage from society and change their ways. Every person should be respected, regardless of race, gender, or creed, and we can all learn to love each other like God loves each one of us - going back to the golden rule. 

In this very long post of three seemingly unlinked topics, I appreciate the wealth of lessons I learned this week, of the awe and wonder of God's creation, dignity for every person, and desire to reach out and do good in the world, informed by a framework that's part of my faith. As month two of formation comes to a close, I am so grateful for where I am and the many hands that are 'forming' me. 

Escuchando El Suave Susurro

Translated from English by Congregation of Notre Dame Translators 
(Read the original blog in English at this link)

Ahora en mi segundo mes de noviciado, se han formado muchos blogs sobre caminatas de reflexión, conservados en mi diario y archivados en mi corazón. La necesidad de publicar mis pensamientos en línea ha disminuido, dándome el confort de una relación fuerte con Dios. Algunas veces me encuentro a mí misma sonriendo, dándome cuenta que estamos compartiendo  una broma interior que solamente nosotros comprendemos, aplastando juntos mi tendencia extrovertida de dejarla salir inmediatamente en voz alta, mientras se desarrolla mi ser introvertido. 

Durante este último mes, mi vocación ha sido de mucho interés en una radio local que tiene un programa en la mañana, también en un artículo de un periódico nacional, un programa en la mañana en una canal de televisión local y un video internacional en Facebook. Fue maravilloso responder preguntas públicamente sobre un tema que originalmente pensaba que era demasiado tabú para contárselo a mis amigos y colegas (¡y vivir cerca de un estudio para ver cómo funciona todo!). He rechazado algunas oportunidades, para enfocarme en el noviciado y discernimiento, pero estaba emocionada de compartir mi historia con personas que estaban muy intrigadas con ella.

(La imagen superior izquierda es de un artículo compartido en Facebook en dos idiomas diferentes y otras fotos de mi experiencia en un lugar remoto del estudio ABC News y donde solo estoy viendo a la cámara, no al entrevistador).

Mi parroquia mientras vivía en San Antonio y a la que todavía asiste mi familia es la parroquia San Francisco de Asís. Durante mi primera semana de noviciado, el personal de la oficina me pidió que escribiera para los parroquianos más jóvenes algunos pensamientos sobre el discernimiento. En este día de la Fiesta de San Francisco parece apropiado compartir estos pensamientos con usted, los escribí una mañana con los dos pulgares sobre el Messenger de Facebook, estos son los pensamientos que tuve sobre las preguntas relacionadas con las vocaciones cuando tenía 20 años. Debo agregar – fueron compilados de una manera hermosa por el personal de la parroquia con imágenes y citas, parecía más una revista profesional que el periódico de una iglesia y me sentí honrada de estar celebrando al mismo tiempo los 50 años como religiosa de la hermana Rose. Con lo que he aprendido este último mes, podría retocar el texto, pero lo dejo como está, conservando así mi comprensión de la vocación durante la primera semana del noviciado.

Escuchando el suave susurro

Cada uno de nosotros es creado a la medida por Dios y llevado por un camino que nos ayuda a expresar plenamente el amor de Dios. Ese deseo de compartir el amor de Dios de cierta manera es nuestra vocación, ya sea como persona casada, persona soltera consagrada, sacerdote diocesano o como parte de una comunidad religiosa como hermana, hermano o sacerdote religioso.

Dios nos creó a cada uno a la medida, nos dio talentos especiales y deseos para ayudarnos de vivir más plenamente para compartir con el mundo la alegría, el amor y la esperanza eterna. Discernir su vocación es averiguar cuál es su camino ideal, este no es un proceso rápido que puede decidir un día, no importa cuánto ores. Mi consejo: Deje que se cocine lentamente dentro de usted, y mientras tanto, disfrute todo lo que Dios pone en su camino. A mí me tomó hasta los 32 años para estar lista para mi vocación, pero otros maduran más rápidamente y lo saben más temprano. Es importante escuchar la voz de Dios, aun si es un suave susurro, como lo fue para mí.

Yo viajé alrededor del mundo, bucee con tiburones, hice paracaidismo, recorrí Tailandia por mi cuenta y tuve dos carreras diferentes ayudando a construir satélites y luego enseñando en una universidad. Yo tuve la necesidad de explorar y ver primero, para poder comprender verdaderamente que muchas de las cosas que amo del mundo y que amo hacer están disponibles como hermana religiosa.

Yo escuché ese suave susurro de Dios que estaba en mi interior, esperando solo el momento correcto cuando yo estuviera lista para actuar. Tenía muchas ideas sobre lo que significaba ser una hermana y estaba equivocada. Pensé que era abandonar la oportunidad de amar, de la manera como lo dice Hollywood que el amor solo puede pasar si uno se enamora de otra persona de una manera apasionada y física para vivir felices para siempre. Resulta ser que al no comprometerse uno a amar una persona, realmente se obtiene la libertad para amar a todo el mundo plenamente y sin ataduras. Esto puede sonar como simples palabras, pero durante los dos últimos años he estado constantemente envuelta de amor y he podido darlo más libremente, con una consciencia de cómo Dios está presente en cada conversación. 

Antes de darme cuenta estaba discerniendo, tuve varias citas y me encantó pasar tiempo con estos grandes amigos, me di cuenta que ninguno era para mí. Simplemente no me parecía bien. Estoy contenta de haber confiado en este instinto e igualmente contenta de haber salido y tratado. Razonablemente, tuve que decidir si estaba bien con el hecho de no tener hijos y esa fue una decisión muy difícil. Pero cuando me di cuenta lo cerca que las hermanas están de sus familias, me di cuenta que todavía habrían pequeños en mi vida. Simplemente no tendría la responsabilidad de cambiar los pañales y de amamantar durante la noche, solamente las aventuras fantásticas y las emocionantes noches de juegos. Esto está bien para mí.

También malinterpreté el voto de pobreza. Se escuchaba tan frío, ya que yo tenía un automóvil deportivo descapotable, unas cuantas casas y un guardarropas gigantesco. Dios me preparó para esto lentamente durante 10 años, con una llamada silenciosa para simplificar mi carro, luego reducirme a un apartamento, luego reducir mi ropa y eventualmente rebajarme a libros, mi bicicleta y mi hamaca favorita. Cada comunidad religiosa mira diferente el voto de pobreza y no es indispensable para todos los sacerdotes diocesanos. En el noviciado, compartimos una televisión en la sala comunitaria, cada una de las hermanas tiene computadoras portátiles y también iPads, y tenemos lo que necesitamos para llevar a cabo nuestras misiones individuales. Algunas comunidades tienen menos cosas materiales y restringen el tiempo que pasan en las redes sociales o usan ropa especial diaria (llamado hábito), de manera que es importante que si usted está siendo llamado a la vida religiosa pase tiempo con las hermanas y hermanos para ver si su manera de vivir los votos concuerda con la manera en que Dios lo está llamando a expresarlos. Yo siento que tengo todo lo que necesito y más de lo que tenía, en algunas maneras (como televisión por cable), de cuando vivía sola.

Los votos existen para ayudar a remover las barreras y tentaciones de nuestra misión y nos ayudan a amar a las demás personas plenamente, ya sea un abogado trabajando casos de inmigración, un consejero ayudando a clientes, una maestra escribiendo una ecuación en la pizarra, una enfermera cuidando a personas mayores o un alma bondadosa en las calles de Calcuta. Cada orden tiene una misión diferente y un carisma diferente, esta es la manera que escogen para vivir el Evangelio. Mi orden tiene mayormente maestras y practicamos la educación liberadora, lo que me permite continuar enseñando ingeniería. También tenemos una hermana que trabaja en las Naciones Unidas en defensa de la justicia social, abogadas, consejeras y enfermeras. El voto de obediencia no significa dejar de usar nuestro propio cerebro y nunca tomar nuestras propias decisiones; significa traer a tu comunidad para tomar decisiones importantes, para asegurarnos que esas decisiones nos ayuden a vivir el Evangelio de una manera más plena.

Si usted está discerniendo alguna vocación—ya sea casarse con su novia o novio o seguir la vida religiosa—permanezca abierto a Dios por medio de la oración y tome las oportunidades que se le presenten. 

Listening for the Quiet Whisper

(Click here to read this article translated into Spanish)

Now into my second month of the novitiate, there have been many blogs formed on reflective walks, preserved in my journal and filed away in my heart. The need to publish the thoughts online has diminished, giving me the comfort of a strengthened relationship with God. Sometimes I find myself smiling, realizing we are inwardly sharing an inside joke only we understand, together squashing my extrovert tendency to immediately blurt it out loud, as my inner introvert develops.

During this last month, I had a great amount of interest about my vocation on a local radio morning show, national newspaper article, national tv morning show, and international facebook video. It was neat to get to publically answer questions about a topic I thought was originally too taboo to tell my friends and coworkers about (and to live near a studio to see how it all works!!). I have turned down a few opportunities since, in order to focus on the novitiate and discernment, but I was thrilled to share my story with people who were so intrigued by it. 

(Top left picture of article being shared in a two different languages on facebook and other photos of my experience in the ABC News studio remote location and only seeing a camera, not the interviewer)

My parish while I lived in San Antonio and where my family still attends is St Francis of Assisi. During my first week at the novitiate, I was asked by their office staff to write some thoughts on discernment for younger parishoners. On this St Francis' feast day, it seems appropriate to share those thoughts with you, which were composed one morning with two thumbs on facebook messenger, with thoughts of the questions I had when I was 20ish concerning vocations. I must add - it was beautifully compiled by the parish staff with pictures and quotes, more like a professional magazine than a church newsletter, and I was humbled to be alongside the celebration of Sr Rose's 50 years as a religious sister. Already with what I have learned over this last month, I would tweak the text, but I leave it as is, preserving my understanding of vocation during that first week of the novitiate. 

Listening for the Quiet Whisper 

Each of us is tailored by God and drawn towards a path that helps us to express God’s love most fully. That desire to share God’s love in a certain way is your vocation, whether as a married person, consecrated single person, diocesan priest, or part of a religious community as a sister, brother, or religious priest.
God tailored each of us, giving us special talents and desires to help us live more fully to share joy, love, and eternal hope with the world. Discerning your vocation is figuring out which way is your ideal path, and it’s not a quick process that you can decide one day, no matter how hard you pray. My advice: let it simmer deep within you, and in the meantime, enjoy everything God puts in your way. It took me until I was 32 for me to be ready for my vocation, but others mature more quickly and know earlier. It’s important to listen to God’s voice, even if it’s a quiet whisper, as it was for me.
I travelled the world, went scuba diving with sharks, sky-dived, wandered through Thailand on my own, and had two different careers helping to build satellites and then teaching at university. I needed to explore and see first, so I could really understand that so many of the things that I loved about the world and loved to do were available as a religious sister.
I listened to that quiet whisper from God that was deep inside, just waiting for the right time when I would be ready to act on it. I had a lot of ideas about what being a sister was, and I was so wrong. I thought it was giving up the chance to love, as Hollywood claims love can only happen if you fall into it with one other person, passionately and physically to be able to live happily ever after. It turns out that by not committing yourself to love one person, you actually get to be free to love everyone more fully and without attachments. That may sound like just words, but for the last two years, I have been constantly enveloped by love and have been able to give it much more freely, with an awareness of how God is present in each conversation. 

Before I realized I was discerning, I went on dates and though I loved spending time with these great mates, I realized each one wasn’t for me. It just didn’t feel right. I am glad I trusted that instinct, and simultaneously glad I stepped out there and tried. Realistically, I did have to decide whether I was okay with not having kids, and that was a harder decision. But when I saw how close the sisters are to their families, I realized I could still have little ones in my life. I simply wouldn’t be responsible for the diaper changes and late night feedings, just the awesome adventures and exciting game nights. That was fine for me.
I also misunderstood the vow of poverty. It sounded so cold, as I have owned a convertible sports car, a few houses, and a giant wardrobe. God prepared me for this slowly over 10 years, as a quiet call to simplify my car, then downsize to a condo, then reduce my clothing, and eventually to get down to books, my bike, and my favorite hammock. A vow of poverty looks different for each religious community and is not necessary for all diocesan priests. In the novitiate, we share a television in the community room, each of the sisters has laptops and iPads, and we have what we need to fulfill each of our individual missions. Some communities have fewer material things and restrict the time spent on social media or wear special clothes each day (called habits), so it is really important if you are being called to religious life to spend time with the sisters and brothers to see if their way of living the vows matches how God is calling you to express them. I feel I have everything I need and more than I did in some ways (like cable) than I did when I lived alone.
The vows exist to help remove barriers and temptations from our mission and help us love others more fully, whether that is as a lawyer working immigration cases, a counsellor helping clients, a teacher writing an equation on the whiteboard, a nurse caring for an elderly person, or a caring soul on the streets of Calcutta. Each order has a different mission and different charism, which is how they choose to live the gospel. My order has mostly teachers, and we practice liberating education, allowing me to continue to teach engineering. We also have a sister working at the United Nations to advocate for social justice, lawyers, counsellors, and nurses. The vow of obedience doesn’t mean stopping the use of your brain and never making your own decisions; it means bringing in your community for the big decisions, to ensure those decisions will help you live the gospel more fully.
If you are discerning any vocation—whether to marry your girlfriend or boyfriend or pursue religious life—stay open to God through prayer and take the opportunities presented to you.